Touch wood not torch wood
by akaeve
Summary: A short me storey, I saw a picture and thought it might be quite a good crossover.


**Touch wood not torch wood**

He walked into the bullpen, well not so much walked but strutted, like the proverbial peacock. He had the smile that would melt butter at 200yards, and the height and build, that made him who he was. The coat so similar to the mans' he had come to see. Tony looked up from what he was playing with and at, "Can I help you." he questioned.

"You actually can," the stranger replied, the accent slightly British but mostly American, "Looking for a guy by the name of Leroy Jethro Gibbs…believe he works here."

"He certainly does" a certain Special Agent Gibbs answered, now entering the conversation, he was wearing the same style coat as the stranger, but in brown, "Who wants to know?"

"This gentleman." Ziva replied pointing to the man.

As Gibbs turned to stare, the stranger opened his arms and walked to Gibbs. Flinging them round Gibbs he shouted, "Dad."

Gibbs dropped the coffee he was carrying.

"Water," Tim shouted, "Someone get water."

"Don't need water or coffee, would rather have a Jack." Gibbs replied.

"Hey…Dad ….how you know my name?" the stranger questioned.

"No, I need a Jack Daniels…But who did you say you were?" as a rather pale Gibbs now answered.

"Jack Harkness….Captain Jack Harkness, Dad." as Gibbs fainted…..

As Gibbs came round in the arms of his son….

"Dad, you Ok? Tony was just saying…."

"Don't keep calling me Dad…..I'm not old enough…"

"Dad….remember Nancy…..behind the store….yes your fathers' store….but then that would be my sons' store….ever wondered why your father was called Jackson?"

Gibbs nodded a feeble smile,

"Jacks' son, yes I'm your Grandfather too." as Gibbs fainted again followed by Tony.

As Gibbs again regained consciousness, and looked about, he whispered, "Nancy….she left town about 12weeks after…."

"You had played Doctor and Nurses…you ever meet the Doctor?" Jack asked looking about, and now laying Gibbs down and standing up.

"The only Doctor I know is Dr Mallard," Gibbs stammered.

"Hey, he's Scottish isn't he?….does he know Archie?…he's at our second Torchwood Institute in Glasgow….strange guy, but then most Doctors are." as Jack now looked at DiNozzo, "Why you faint DiNozzo?"

"I don't know I just felt a little funny." Tony stammered.

"You felt funny…he some guy I not met yet?" Jack questioned.

"May I ask a question? Tim, now enquired, "This Torchwood what is it or what does it do?"

"Torchwood….a British organisation dedicated to combating alien threats, bit like your MTAC, but scarier" now looking at Tim, "We fight real aliens."

"But please Jack," Ziva smiled, "Going back to Gibbs and his Grandfather…or should I say you. Could you explain."

"Well Jackson, my Dads dad…was called after me, Jack's son…get it. Ever know what happened to your Grandfather?" now looking at Jethro, who nodded.

"He was killed at Pearl Harbor….a hero." Jethro replied.

"They said that…..WOW," Jack now answered, waving his arms about "Yeh saved a few guys and then got recalled, had to fly to some place to save them

too…that was out this world. Ended up in Cardiff. Know where that is?"

"Somewhere in Wales I believe." Tim replied.

"Yep…hey Tony, you said you felt funny…..any reason, thought it my magnetic personality….and you know I could fancy you." Jack laughed.

"Pardon?" Tony now stammered, "Are you…you know…..?"

"Gay…..is that what they say…..well I'm happy, but are you Tony…you know?"

"No, I am as straight as they come….well, as I am now." realising that that was not the best word to use.

"But you did tongue a guy once." Tim now offered.

"Only in the line of duty." now seeing the look on Ziva's face.

"Hey I'm like a clock pendulum…. I swing both ways…as Gibbs fainted again.

"So what is the noise down there?" Vance shouted from the top of the stairs, "And why is Gibbs lying on the floor? And Tony, why are you as red as a beetroot? And who is that guy? Did he get clearance?"

"Director, may I introduce, Captain Jack Harkness, he is Gibbs' son and his grandfather. He is also happy….and did you know that Tony has also kissed a man?" Ziva now tried to tell.

"You did what?…."Vance shouted, now looking at Tony.

"It was a long time ago and it was in the line of duty." Tony replied now looking sheepish.

"Hell DiNozzo," as Gibbs rose to standing position, "You couldn't get enough of her, him, it…. whatever. You were creaming your pants. And I never did get any work from you, sniffing around like a dog on h…"

"Get the picture Agent Gibbs," Vance replied, now focusing on the Captain, "And you said you were who?"

"Do you not mean the Doctor Who…no, who as in, who am I?" smiling at Vance, who gave Jack the "don't mess with me" look, "I'm Captain Jack Harkness, team leader of Torchwood and I just happened to be passing, so thought would pop in and see my dad."

"I am not his dad," Gibbs shouted.

"Will someone explain the Tony case to me please?" Ziva now asked, looking at Tim.

"Well we had an agent, who died, well bled out and he swallowed the photo chip and it turned out that he was a she, and was going to get the snip and operation, but Tony here really….."

"Probie I think that is enough..." Tony tried to blurt out.

"Hell like no Tim...I'm all ears." Jack now answered, folding his arms.

"So am I," Ziva now replied pulling up a chair, "So this agent was going to turn female."

"No, the suspect was female…male…..in-between, but we didn't know ….." Tim now tried to unravel the situation.

"We were on surveillance, across the road, and Tony offered to go and help out." Gibbs added, "But he went sniffing instead."

"Yep right to the post box, and lamp post." Tim relied, beginning to smile.

"Didn't," Tony spluttered, "She….he was, needing a hand." Tony now answered, "Anyway Kate didn't mind."

"Much," Tim now replied smiling, "She cast it up to you for weeks. She called you lazy, and the mess of the apartment, and smell."

"So let me get a grip here," Jack now replied looking at Tony in a different light, "Tony so let me get this straight….you thought the guy was a gal, and …..hey the hormones must have been good. Wanna expand?" now looking down, at the crutch of Tony, and smiling.

"Ahem," Gibbs coughed looking at Vance and then Tony.

"So what do you want Captain Harkness? You march in here, and demand to see your dad…Gibbs, you not know you had a son?" now turning to stare at Jethro, "I thought you would have known better."

"Leon, you ever done something really dumb, and not know the outcome?" he now questioned.

"Yeh, like get involved with you."

"Wow, you and dad,... I mean you two got a thing going. Is this where I get my leanings from," now moving towards Tony, "But heck, no dad gets them from his grandfather, that being me."

"Hell no. Like kiss my ass," Vance shouted at Jack.

"Would… but hey Leon you're not my type…..but Tony here is." as Tony fainted again. Gibbs just smiled, this was definitely getting interesting. The phone on Tims' desk rang, "McGee," he said and listened…."Boss we got a body washed up in Rock Creek Park."

"McGee, how can we have a body washed up in the park? Gibbs now replied.

"I don't know, just this guy said that a body had been washed up in River Creek Park and that The Captain would know what to do."

"Right, let's get the big girls blouse off the floor, he can ride with me. Hey I mean that in the best possible taste. Ok", now looking at Gibbs, who just shook his head and began to laugh.

The run to Rock Creek Park, was pretty uneventful, Gibbs driving, but Jack was riding shotgun, while Tony was still recovering in the rear seat.

"Hey, this is fun. I usually travel by sunbeam. Hey Tone, I can call you Tone, can't I? You know I can't die. I'm immortal. I haven't changed a bit. Not think Dad and I look similar? I mean we have the same eyes, height and we have similar smile."

"I never really thought about it, but now you think about it Jack, we are kinda alike. " Gibbs now replied looking in the mirror at a rather green Tony.

"Hey that Ziva. Bit alien do you not think?" Jack asked. "I mean is she one of us?"

"Alien, that's rich coming from you," Tony replied, "Just 'cos she's just become an American citizen."

"And what was she before?"

"Israeli." Tony replied.

"Don't mess with them then. So Dad can I help? I mean when we get to this body." Jack now enquired, "I mean if it is washed up, must have come in with some tide, and we do have spring tides at the moment. Saw a strange phenomena once. Whole ship sucked up into a water spout and deposited on a mountain. Some say that was the Ark. Me? I would say some people have vivid imaginations."

"Jack, I got to ask," Tony now questioned, How old are you?"

"Me? I have no idea."

They found the body, lying submerged, in a stream. The clothes torn and singed. Ducky was examining and discussing with Mr Palmer.

"Last time I saw something like this was a case way back with Agent Todd. The body had actually been blown up at sea, and sent scadoodling, across the water like a pebble skimming across the bay." as Duks showed Jimmy, with actions of his hands, almost hitting Jack in the face.

"So Doctor, you are saying not here?" Jimmy enquired.

"My dear boy, does it look like the body has been roasted here and then dumped?"

"No, but Doctor…" Jimmy began to say.

"Hi…..I'm Jack. You must be the Doctor?" as Jack offered Ducky his hand.

"Have we met?" Ducky enquired looking at this tall distinguished gent.

"Dr Mallard, Cardiff 3rd of March 1990, Cardiff Arms Park, hey you guys beat us 13-9. Man, that was some Rugby Union game, remember. You guys went on to win the 5 nations that year. About the last time you did."

"Yes I vaguely remember, you had some strange underground venue down by the waterfront. All bright lights and strange equipment. Never quite got your drift. So what brings you to DC?" Duks now asked.

"Popped in to see Dad." pointing at Gibbs.

"Oh, I see, can see the resemblance. Jethro see me later." as he walked back to the MCRT vehicle.

"Hey I'm hurt he doesn't remember me." Jack replied, now looking at Gibbs.

"Hey Jack, wanting to help or not?" Gibbs shouted over his shoulder. "Duks will, he is just a little preoccupied. Now what you think before our ME comes back?" Gibbs now asked. "Well…..I'm waiting." now looking at Jack.

"Dry roasted from the inside out. Therefore micro waved Slightly salted and marinated in wine and spices. Either that, or it was his aftershave." sniffing the air.

"You serious Jack?" Tony enquired.

"Most genuinely. I can just make out the puncture marks where the poor victim was pierced before being placed on a plate."

"Some plate. But then where was this?" Tony enquired.

"Bumberdumberland."

"Where?" Tony and Gibbs shouted.

"Bumberdumberland…never been? But then no…. thought not." Jack now beginning to laugh, and pointing to the heavens, "Up there, over the rainbow, left past Saturn, then a quick right past Pluto keep going and you can't miss it. Just as well 'cos an asteroid almost got it last week. Missed it by inches. Sucked a few bodies off…hey that's where this has come from." Jack now answered.

"So tell me?" Gibbs now asked, "What am I going to write in the report for the Director?"

"Anything you like Dad. But you know, I got to go and see if this needs solving up there. Tone would you like to come with me? I mean if dad doesn't mind." Jack now asked.

"Jack, Dad does mind, and no you can't go running off round the universe as though there's no tomorrow.."

"Dad, didn't know you cared, but you forgot one thing." Jack laughed.

"And that would be what?" Gibbs asked.

"I can do anything I want son. You forget, I'm Dad, and it's ok son, I'll let you and Tone here, enjoy whatever relationship you wish to have. But word of advise Tone, that McGee, he's quite tasty."

"Jack will I ever see you again?" Gibbs asked, no questioned.

"Depends son, if I'm passing this way again. But no just think on this, as an experience. Nice chatting Tone. Bye for now." as Jack turned and walked into the woods. A wind suddenly appeared from nowhere and the leaves swirled into a mini tornado. Gibbs and Tony shielded their eyes. The wind died and they turned to see Dr Mallard standing over where the body had been dropped.

"No has anyone seen the body?" Duks enquired.

"Nope." Gibbs answered, "But I think we just had a very extraterrestrial experience." as he put his arm round Tony.

"Hey." Tony replied, "I've had enough weird for one day," laughing, and returning the affection.

"I think boys," Dr Mallard announced, "We should touch wood and not torch it," as they passed a scorched tree as if some thermal out of this world experience had touched it too.


End file.
